In 1993, when I got engaged, a friend gave
me a copy of the 1976 edition of The Act of Marriage
, a Christian classic of
its kind. The 1976 edition was hopelessly outdated even then, so I was intrigued when I came
across this title, The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex, to see if it was any more
relevant.
It is.
The author is very open about the ups and
downs of her own relationship, and these stories are enhanced by quotes from
some of the hundreds of women (and men) she surveyed as part of her research. Her
studies refute the common secular wisdom that practice with as many people as
possible makes perfect. Her research showed that those who were least sexually
active before marriage had the greatest satisfaction with their love lives.
Despite the title, The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex is not all about positions and moves (after all, the biology hasn’t
changed). It is more about sex as a vital component of the marriage relationship.
She emphasises the importance of our relationship with our spouse, spending
time together and sharing hobbies. She also says “The key to a passionate
marriage is not to be as sexually adventurous as possible, but to be as
passionate about God as possible”.
is not all about positions and moves (after all, the biology hasn’t
changed). It is more about sex as a vital component of the marriage relationship.
She emphasises the importance of our relationship with our spouse, spending
time together and sharing hobbies. She also says “The key to a passionate
marriage is not to be as sexually adventurous as possible, but to be as
passionate about God as possible”.
What makes this book different, at least
for me, is that it is real. The area where this struck me most forcibly was in
the discussion around pornography. This wasn’t even mentioned in The Act of
Marriage (which seemed to assume that the wedding night was the first time a
good Christian boy would ever see a naked woman). But a changing world and the
omnipresence of the internet means that this is now a real issue in many
marriages.
If The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sexwas
lacking in any area, it was in the struggle to maintain a healthy marriage when
the children are young (although she has addressed this in her earlier books, such as To Love, Honor, and Vacuum
). I
was also a little confused by how she could recommend sexual role-play games
when she had spoken so strongly against the fantasy element of pornography (the
difference between a fantasy and a role-play is too subtle for me). Otherwise,
I think this is an excellent resource for engaged or newly-married couples, and
for those who have (ahem) been married for a little longer.
was
lacking in any area, it was in the struggle to maintain a healthy marriage when
the children are young (although she has addressed this in her earlier books, such as To Love, Honor, and Vacuum). I
was also a little confused by how she could recommend sexual role-play games
when she had spoken so strongly against the fantasy element of pornography (the
difference between a fantasy and a role-play is too subtle for me). Otherwise,
I think this is an excellent resource for engaged or newly-married couples, and
for those who have (ahem) been married for a little longer.
Thanks to Zondervan and NetGalley for
providing a free ebook for review.
In case you are wondering, I dont' really have a downer on The Act of Marriage, just on the first edition. It is now into its fourth edition, with the latest publishined in 2009. These new editions can only be an improvement.
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